Should I tell people that I self-injure?
Sometimes people will already know that you self-injure – they might have seen your injuries, or found out another way. If no one knows about your self-injury it can be scary to tell them. However, you might find that it really helps to be able to talk about things, and to not have to keep secrets anymore. Be prepared for a negative reaction at first – after all no-one wants to hear that someone they care about is deliberately hurting themselves. If you give them some information about self-injury, for instance by printing out these questions or information from the Internet about what self-injury is, then hopefully in time they will be able to understand more and offer you support.

How can I help a friend who self-injures?
There are lots of ways you can help a friend who self-injures. Be there to listen to them whatever they want to talk about, offer a shoulder to cry on, and don’t judge them. It is important that you don’t tell them to stop or make them promise you that they will, as this can make things worse. Learn more about self-injury so you can understand a bit more about it, but make sure you take care of yourself and realise when you cannot help your friend. If someone is at serious risk to themselves (i.e. suicidal) then you need to tell someone about it for their own safety.

These points from the Secret Shame website are good ones to remember:

Don't take it personally.
Self-injurious behavior is more about the person who does it than about the people around him/her. The person you're concerned about is not cutting, burning, hitting, or whatever just to make you feel bad or guilty.

Educate yourself.
Get as much information as you can about self-injury in general - it lets you inside the mind of people who SI which means you can help them more.

Understand your feelings.
Be honest with yourself about how this self-injury makes you feel. Don't pretend to yourself that it's okay if it's not - many people find self-injury repulsive, frightening, or provoking. If you need help dealing with the feelings aroused in you by self-injury, find a good therapist.

Be supportive without reinforcing the behaviour.
It's important that your friend, lover, child, sibling knows that you can separate who they are from what they do, and that you love them independently of whether they self-injure.

Take care of yourself.
If you try to be completely supportive to someone else 24/7, you're going to burn out - you have to find ways to be sure your needs are being met.

Ultimatums do NOT work. Ever.
Loving someone who injures him/herself is an exercise in knowing your limitations. No matter how much you care about someone, you cannot force them to behave as you'd prefer them to.

Accept your limitations.
You know the saying 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink' - the same applies to self injury. You must remember that the self injurer has used this as a coping mechanism for some time. It might take a while for them to be okay with not self injuring. Be there, but remember that it's fundamentally down to them.

Acknowledge the pain of your loved one.
Accepting and acknowledging that someone is in pain doesn't make the pain go away, but it can make it more bearable.

Don't force things.
It can take someone a long time to build up the trust and confidence to admit to self harming, and the self harmer need to know they’ll be allowed to talk in their own time. It’s a difficult thing to understand, but the fact that you’re the person the self injurer is speaking to really does mean a lot.

Be yourself.
The person who self injures has come to you for a reason. Make sure that you’re still being yourself; if they wanted to talk to someone else they wouldn’t have come to you.